Valentine from a Sexpert: Are *you* just not that into you?

He’s not chasing you? He's not calling you? He's avoiding you? These may be signs that a fairytale ending may elude you.

The concern goes beyond “He’s just not that into you.” May be that you’re not that into you.

Here’s a sexpert hypothesis on why women pursue Mr. Wrong: "Many women believe that they will be able to change a man's mind and persuade him to live happily ever after with her," said Domeena Renshaw, MD, author of Seven Weeks to Better Sex and director of Loyola University’s Health System Sex Clinic. "However, women cannot change men. They can only change how they react to them in this scenario."

Low self-esteem also may be to blame, notes Renshaw, whose less sexy title is professor of psychiatry and behavioral neurosciences at Loyola University Chicago Stritch School of Medicine. "Women send signals that they do not value themselves when they repeatedly engage in situations or relationships with men who are not interested.”
Women also may make excuses for the “unclear behavior” of love targets, because they haven’t accepted that their feelings are not mutual.

"I encourage women to concentrate on finding happiness within themselves rather than waiting for men to call or commit," said Renshaw.

Society sometimes suggests that a woman’s worth is measured by her ability to find and keep a man, even though long-entrenched custom has been to let the men court and call the women.

Here’s some self-love potion: "If women can learn to empower themselves, give themselves due credit and know when to walk away from a dysfunctional situation or relationship, it will free them up to meet someone who is genuinely interested," said Renshaw. "We should learn from experience and understand that healthy relationships are built on mutual respect and recognition."